The mental health impact of bullying: yes, it’s real and deserving of therapy.

"Kids will be kids." "It's just part of growing up." "It'll toughen you up."

How many times have we heard these phrases when discussing childhood bullying? How many adults carry the invisible wounds of school-age torment, told repeatedly that their experiences were "normal" or "character-building"?

It's time to challenge this narrative. Bullying isn't a rite of passage—it's trauma. And like all trauma, it deserves proper recognition, understanding, and appropriate bullying therapy.

Bullying is one of the most common experiences I see in my therapy room that leads to later feelings of social anxiety, lack of belonging, feelings of inferiority and low mood.

What Actually Constitutes Bullying?

Bullying is repeated, intentional aggressive behaviour where there's an imbalance of power. This can manifest as:

Physical bullying: Hitting, kicking, damaging belongings, or threatening physical harm

Verbal bullying: Name-calling, insults, threats, or discriminatory language

Social/relational bullying: Exclusion, spreading rumours, public humiliation, or deliberate isolation

Cyberbullying: Online harassment, sharing embarrassing content, or digital exclusion

The key elements are repetition, intent to harm, and power imbalance. It's not a one-off argument between equals—it's systematic targeting of someone perceived as vulnerable.

The Dangerous Normalisation of School Bullying Trauma

We've created a culture where being bullied is treated as an inevitable part of childhood and therefore a lack of people seek bullying therapy.

This normalisation is deeply problematic because it:

• Minimises genuine suffering: Telling children "just ignore them" dismisses real pain and fear

• Places responsibility on victims: Suggesting they need to "stand up for themselves" implies it's their fault

• Prevents healing: If it's "normal," why would anyone seek help to recover?

• Leads to invalidation: if everyone else experiences something, you can feel that your struggling isn’t a real problem. The thing is just because everyone else in your school may have experienced something, that doesn’t make it normal or ok.

The reality is this: It is not normal to feel hunted at school. It is not normal to experience daily humiliation. It is not normal to live in fear of your peers.

These experiences represent genuine threats to a developing nervous system, and they leave lasting impacts that extend far beyond the school gates.

How Bullying Lives in Your Body: The Implicit Memory System

When we experience repeated threat and humiliation during our formative years, these experiences don't just stay in our conscious memory—they become embedded in our implicit memory systems.

Implicit memories are stored in the body and nervous system, influencing how we respond to situations without conscious awareness.

For bullying survivors, this might look like:

Physical responses: Heart racing in group situations, tension when entering rooms, or feeling physically unsafe around certain types of people

Emotional flashbacks: Sudden overwhelming feelings of shame, fear, or helplessness that seem disproportionate to current circumstances

Hypervigilance: Constantly scanning for threats, difficulty relaxing in social situations, or expecting rejection before it happens

Negative core beliefs: Deep-seated beliefs about being unworthy, different, or fundamentally flawed that influence every relationship and opportunity

Social anxiety: Fear of groups, difficulty speaking up, or avoiding situations where you might be noticed or judged

These aren't character flaws or signs of weakness—they're normal responses to abnormal treatment. Your nervous system learned to protect you in an environment where you were genuinely under threat. The problem is that these protective mechanisms often continue long after the danger has passed.

Therapeutic Approaches That Work for Bullying

The good news is that bullying trauma can be healed. Your brain and nervous system have the capacity to learn new responses and develop healthier patterns.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing for Bullying Trauma)

EMDR is particularly effective for bullying trauma because it works directly with how traumatic memories are stored in the brain. Through bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements), EMDR helps process stuck memories and reduce their emotional charge.

For bullying survivors, EMDR can:

• Reduce the intensity of often unconscious flashbacks to feelings of not belonging or being inferior

• Help reprocess specific bullying incidents that continue to feel "present"

• Strengthen positive beliefs about yourself

• Decrease hyper-vigilance and social anxiety

CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Bullying Trauma)

CBT focuses on identifying and changing the thought patterns and behaviours that keep you stuck. For bullying recovery, this might involve:

• Challenging negative core beliefs: Examining thoughts like "I'm weird" or "People always reject me"

• Developing coping strategies: Building practical skills for managing social anxiety and difficult emotions

• Behavioural experiments: Gradually testing out new behaviours in safe environments

• Relapse prevention: Identifying triggers and developing strategies to maintain progress

The Importance of Specialist Support for Bullying Therapy

Not all therapists understand the specific impacts of bullying trauma. Working with someone who recognises how these early experiences shape your adult life is crucial for effective healing.

If you survived bullying, your experiences matter. The fear you felt was real. The impact on your life is valid. And most importantly, healing is possible.

If I could leave you with one thing, it's that bullying isn’t normal, it’s not ok, it is traumatic, and you should have been protected.

Taking the First Step To Recovering from the Impact of Bullying

Recovery from bullying trauma takes time, but every journey begins with recognising that your experiences deserve attention and care. If you're ready to address how your past is affecting your present, seeking support from a trauma-informed therapist can be transformative.